It was the first thing I googled in the hopes I would find something uplifting or hopeful. I couldn’t find anything…because there wasn’t anything! Don’t get me wrong there are many personal heartfelt accounts of the experience, just nothing that made me feel better.
So… here is my experience and the things that made me feel better.
*(I’ve been an agoraphobic with anxiety disorder, which is what prevented me from going in for my routine check ups.)
One year ago I found out I had cancer; stage three uterine cancer, and within 10 days of my first exam I was in surgery; a complete hysterectomy and facing chemotherapy and radiation treatments. It was a shock, after all I was obsessive compulsive about my health. I ate organic, I worked out every day. I did everything right but everyone I said that to, the doctors and nurses all said they hear that all the time, so apparently it’s a crapshoot. I got through it all. Here are things that helped me.
The Surrender Novena, realizing that God can do a much better job than you – so get out of the way and let him take over. Saying the rosary at bedtime put me in a place of peace. (I’m not catholic…yet)
The DARE program by Barry McDough to understand and how to deal with anxiety issues. Tell your body to go spaghetti sends a message to your amygdala ( your lizard brain) that you are not in danger which stops it from pumping the stress chemicals.
The angels that were my care team, Seattle Cancer care alliance, has now merged with Fred Hutchison. They are the best in the world for a reason, and therapy with cancer lifeline.
My husband. A disabled Vietnam veteran. He does marathons in a hand cycle, flies helicopters, lets nothing stop him. An example of the strength of the human spirit.
Love of your family and friends; my sister, my sister-in-law, and brother, my children and grandchildren cousins and nieces and your pet family, the prayers, the words of encouragement, the Baha’i community. All the loving people that didn’t even know me were praying for me as far away as Scotland!
Best advice given by my care team: take one thing at a time…
Walk every day even if it’s one or two minutes walk and keep walking. Shoot for twenty minutes a day.
I went outside for at least 15 minutes every day even if it was raining.
Acupuncture: I was skeptic, but it does make you feel better. It worked for energy for me.
Keep working: make necessary adjustments to your schedule. I was lucky I teach online, and I figured out a way to teach from my couch. My students didn’t know any difference.
Talk to people who’ve been through it. There is a camaraderie there and a feeling you’re not alone.
Port placement: it’s really best for you, a safe way to administer the medications but it’s weird and it hurts a little, it’s more annoying – putting it in was ok. I didn’t realize I was sedated so I was talking up a storm. I’m so embarrassed… Otherwise you get used to it but you can’t wait to get it out. I opted for no sedation when I had it removed just a local- it hurt like crazy when it came out but I didn’t care, it meant my treatments were over.
Hair loss: it’s horrible and traumatic, but very interesting. You see yourself in a whole new way. I tried cold capping, but it did not work for me, and it was a lot of money out of pocket. I only did it once and sent it back. I refused to shave my head. I wanted my hair to know I loved it no matter what. I did find very inexpensive wigs on Amazon and watched many YouTube videos on how to make them look better. It made me feel better, just having the wigs that looked somewhat like my own hair, (which was long and blonde, and I thought at the time defined who I was) I rarely wore them. They were itchy, and so uncomfortable. When my hair started to grow back I cut off the last of the straggly hair, so it was even. It started to show peach fuzz before of my last chemo treatment and took off like crazy after chemo was over. It came in thicker and a silvery salt and pepper with a little curl. I am rocking the short hair, but I will never cut it. I did use a hair growth serum don’t know if it helped, I think collegen did.
Scarves and head coverings: I bought a few dozen of those, but realized I didn’t like the ones that shouted cancer person… So I found the slouch beanies made me look like a skateboarder ones with a little color helped my face look brighter, and they were very soft and comfortable. 2 for $15 on Amazon. Chemo Beanies are another brand that are ruffled and very feminine.
I kept up my skin care regimen, but when I lost my eyelashes and eyebrows, I adjusted by putting on mascara to the rims of my eyes so from a distance, it was OK. They didn’t seem to fall out till the middle of my chemo treatments and it does irritate your eyes. Your lashes are there for a reason, so take care of your eyes with drops. I used a growth serum when my treatments were over and my lashes came back better than ever! Within 3 weeks of starting it. Scars from the surgery after healing I mistakenly spread oil from a vitamin D supplement thinking it was vitamin E, it worked great and the scars are not noticeable.
Maybelline 24 hour lip stain; excellent I wore it constantly even to bed It just gave color to my face and made me feel so much better
Supplements: I was told by the cancer nutritionists that cancer loves vitamins, loves sugar, loves fat, loves everything you give it, which made me think how I had been megadosing vitamins for years , PROBIOTICS , however I swear by and my doctor confirmed that it was probably why I never had stomach issues during any of this treatment. I also continue to take COLLAGEN My fingernails came in stronger than ever during treatment and continue to. I also think it helped with my hair regrowing.
Diet: I was vegetarian, but my blood count went so low I had to have a blood transfusion. You know it when you’re that low; you can only walk a short ways without having to sit down. It is beyond weakness. The blood transfusion was great. I felt wonderful afterwards. I added some organic free range, healthy meat back into my diet, not every day, for humanitarian reasons I don’t like to eat meat. I take Isopure protein in de-caf coffee to get that extra hit of protein. I make green drinks in a nutra bullet, I drink zero vitamin water, at one time I was very dehydrated so I bought a keto electrolyte powder to add into the vitamin water. I take a powder magnesium and collagen capsules. I don’t like artificial sweeteners. I have still maintained my organic, very little processed food eating. And ice cream… we have to have ice cream.
Radiation (brachytherapy) Let your team explain this one to you…After chemo, a 45 minute radiation appointment seems easy. The nurses and doctor were so attentive to my comfort it was a good distraction from the procedure. No pain just ,again, weird….After you’re prepped you are taken to the treatment room and left alone but monitored with mic and camera. I have always tried meditation but felt I failed to achieve the zone for twenty minutes, I later learned that is not necessary! Focussing on one thing, like your breath, and if your mind wanders the skill is bringing your attention back to it. I got good at it, for 15-25 breaths a few times a day so I figured here was a chance to practice that. The treatments for me were only 6 to 9 minutes. When the door closed I started to count my breaths. The first treatment was 85 breaths and subsequent treatments were less and less. I was relaxed. When it was over a guy name Alan comes in with a geiger counter and signals the all clear… and for some quirky reason I found that really funny…..
During all the appointments and treatments I stayed out of my head. Engaged with everything that was going on around me, and I was surprised to find it was very interesting and fascinating the science behind the treatments. I replaced fear with fascination. I had two reactions to the chemicals, but because I was in total surrender to God I was never afraid through all of this. I observed my body’s reactions with amazement how different sensations can be; Benadryl is fun… The premeds that go into your port taste like some thing from your car engine… The steroids are hysterical. You feel great when you leave I think they do that so you’ll come back… it’s the next couple of days that you feel awful, and I vowed to not do it again and saying that helped me feel in control, but there I was 6 times. 7 to 8 hours were the length of my appointments. The chair was comfy. The nurses were over the top compassionate and loving. And on the way home I got Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. People bring you stuff, flowers and treats. You realize how many kind loving people there are around you. You realize prayers do work, and miracles are all around us. I kept a notebook of all the miracles that occurred through all of this but realized…they’re happening all the time.
Links to stuff…. ( no monetization involved just for your information)
D.A.R.E. Anxiety relief
Seattle Cancer care alliance,/ Fred Hutchinson
Favorite scarves and head coverings:
Flavorless electrolytes powder
One year ago….
Today 🙂
Kathy Higgins 